blackholesunshower

Dear Chris,

It’s been 9 months since you left this earth. Where are you? I miss your voice, though I hear it often. It used to be daily, but that dwindled for a bit… for whatever reason.  Recently, I’ve started listening and watching. And it hurts. Hurts badly.
“I heard the news today….”

The 18th of every month just gets me. BAD. It’s a painful reminder of your absence. I wish I could go back to those concerts… to the Higher Truth tour, to TOTD, to Soundgarden, to what could have been. To you. To Canada, where we embraced. I wonder where the gifts I gave you are now…

I wish I could bottle those feelings. The anticipation of seeing and hearing your voice. I THOUGHT I never took it for granted, but I did. I want to go back. I want to feel it again. I long for the days of waiting in line, going into the concert venues, waiting, sitting, then seeing you come onto the stage and then singing along and smiling. I want to go back and literally bottle all those feelings. I want them back NOW! I wish I could climb into your mind and take away whatever sadness or anger or despair and tell you it’s ok. Just go away, take care of yourself and disappear, but not forever.

And now you really are my disappearing one.

I wish I could be as eloquent and poetic as you…. but

Thank you. Thank you for your humble nature – you never claimed to be brilliant.  You admitted that even you, as an acclaimed singer/songwriter/poet, didn’t always get it right (or often didn’t get it right).  You were everything this world needed and then some. So, thank you. Thank you thank you thank you……………..

The only way through pain is through it. I know your soul lives on… somewhere, along the highway of this universe and beyond….

Loud Love, Chris.

Your fan forever,

Emily