blackholesunshower

Dear Chris,

It’s been a hell of a year.

I woke up May 18, 2017, to find several text messages about you. Very vague text messages like, “You ok?” and “Sorry about Chris. I know he was your favorite.” I fell to my knees finding out what happened. My heart broke. My heart is still trying to heal and it will always have a scar.

Last night I dreamed about your grave.  It was at the end of a very long tunnel filled with strange artifacts and people. But they were not mourners.  They were annoying gawkers.  At the end of the tunnel, there was a big field with your grave at the top of a small hill. It was snowing. I braced the cold and ran to your headstone and wiped away the snow to reveal your name. I leaned over it and cried. Then I looked down and saw lots of flowers and gifts on a lower level. I walked around wondering where everyone was.  The different levels were part of a van or something. Then I saw several people sitting and crying. I went back through the tunnel and ended up inside a house with lots of VERY weird people chanting and dancing. One woman threw a cardboard tube into another room. She said it was the TRUTH about what happened to you. She offered me a tube, but I declined. I went back through the tunnel and ended up outside where most of the mourners were gathered. Some played guitar, some were sitting on the grass crying. I was crying too. Missing you.

Then I ended up at some sort of outdoor tribute. These two people kept getting up and singing your songs, using a cello. It was very strange. My husband woke me up because I was crying in my sleep.

May 18, 2018 is quickly approaching.  I’m not sure how I’ll feel that day. I plan to listen to you more than usual and maybe write a poem. I’m going to see a SG tribute band that night. I’ve seen them before and always have a good time.

Nothing, though, will ever fill the loss of you and I am slowly learning to realize that and move on.  Sometimes I wonder where you are. I look to the sky for answers as if you’re out there in some parallel universe. I like to think of you in heaven, but for me, I’m not quite sure what that means. You are my sunshower as the seasons roll on by.

Rest easy our Dark Knight. You were only human I know, yet still somehow immortal.